What a forest kindergarten teacher wants parents to know about the winter layers battle — and helping kids learn what their bodies need.

It was a frigid winter day at Sol Shine Nature Preschool in Yakima, Washington — the kind of day when every exhale became “dragon’s breath,” as the teachers called it.

Not exactly tutu weather.

But a tutu was exactly what one student had her heart set on — and there was nothing her mom or the teachers could do to convince her otherwise.

“I want to go inside,” she yelled, planting herself on a cold slab of concrete.

At Sol Shine, a state-licensed forest kindergarten, “inside” consisted of a small unheated shop used mostly for drying soggy clothes and warming up when temperatures fell under 17°F. In other words: It wasn’t a great option.

Instead of pushing the jacket, the teachers focused on keeping her safe, and waited.

The winter layers battle is something many of us are familiar with. But is there a better way to navigate the conversation — one that actually results in kids choosing layers for themselves?

Emily Gamache, director and lead teacher at Sol Shine, believes there is. And it starts with asking a better question.

Ask how they feel, not if they’re cold

“Are you cold?” “Are you hot?”

These rank among the most-repeated questions in parenting — and they’re usually met with a blank stare.

But could asking them over and over be part of why we have to keep asking?

“We’re trying to instill autonomy outdoors, the ability for children to check in with themselves: ‘Am I cold? Am I too hot? Do I need water?’” Gamache says.

When we suggest what children are feeling, we may be answering for them before they have a chance to notice.

There’s a name for the skill Gamache is trying to build: interoception — the ability to notice, understand and respond to signals from inside the body, including temperature.

Gamache’s way of helping children practice is simple: ask a better question.

“At Sol Shine, we try to ask, ‘How are you feeling?’ instead of ‘Are you cold?’” she says. “The second you say, ‘Are you cold?’ they’re like, ‘Oh yeah, I’m cold. I need a jacket.’ But they might not actually be.”

“We let kids check in with themselves and identify their needs without inserting what we’re thinking.”

Of course, this isn’t an argument for letting a toddler freeze their fingers off in the name of independence. You’re still responsible for setting safe boundaries, and crucially, providing the wardrobe that they’ll want to wear (or at least ALMOST want to wear).

Offer layers they can adjust

Are giant coats an easy solution to freezing cold temps? Yes.

But the coat that feels right at drop-off may quickly become a sauna once your kiddo starts running. And every child is different, so it’s important to pay attention to how your child plays.

“Some of these kids are working like they’re running a marathon,” Gamache says. “Even on the coldest day, imagine running a marathon in a parka. Other kids don’t move as much, or move more slowly. They identify what they need, which may be different from the kid who never stops moving.”

Sol Shine’s recommended gear list is long on purpose: It gives kids options as the weather and their activity levels change.

Families are asked to send:

• A warm base layer
• A waterproof jacket with a hood
• A warm, non-itchy hat
• Waterproof, fleece-lined mittens
• Long wool socks
• Rain or winter boots, depending on the conditions
• Rain bibs to wear over warm layers in cold, wet weather
• A complete change of clothes in case anything gets soaked

“Gear makes or breaks it for anyone outside, regardless of age,” Gamache says. “If you’re comfortable, you’re happy.”

Good outdoor gear can also be an investment, so you’ll want to make sure whatever you’re buying will last (at least for more than one season).

“If you’re going to spend money on expensive gear, I think it’s more worth it if it’s something sustainable through generations — passing it on to younger siblings,” she says.

(That’s something we definitely stand behind, and why we use grow-with-me sizing here at Wildhaven.)

Give them time to practice

Gamache’s own comfort with weather started long before Sol Shine. Growing up on a farm, she and her siblings spent summer nights sleeping outside — not in a tent, but in sleeping bags beside the fire.

Still, even she has days when she doesn’t feel like going outside.

“It’s all about acclimation,” she says. “We’ve been programmed not to be okay with weather.”

It’s easy enough to head outside on a nice day — but the bad-weather days are prime time for your kiddo to notice how they’re feeling, and take action.

And not only will they likely start to get more comfortable with weather, they can also learn how to make themselves more comfortable.

And it doesn’t require a backpacking trip to get them excited about being outside more often.

“[A child’s] version of ‘expansive’ is different from ours,” Gamache says. “There can be just as many experiences outside your door as on an extreme backpacking trip with your kids. What does this roly-poly look or feel like to them? It can be just as beautiful as an intense trek.”

And kids don’t learn only by exploring on their own — they can also take cues from you.

“Kids base their comfort level on what their grown-ups are doing,” Gamache says. “If you aren’t comfortable, they’ll sense that, and it probably won’t be comfortable for them either.”

You can show them how to notice and respond to their body without telling them what they should be feeling. Who knows — when you put on your warmer layers in response to a chill, they may decide to follow your lead.

Make creative compromises

Sometimes, you have to get creative to get the layers on.

For the little girl at Sol Shine, it took three cold mornings to get there. On the third, Gamache tried a different approach.

“What happens if you really like the warm layer?” she asked.

Then came the clincher: “We’ll put the tutu over it.”

“And [the little girl] was like, ‘Oh, yeah. OK!’” Gamache says. “But it was of her own accord. We weren’t shoving it at her.”

The tutu stayed, the warm layers went on — and maybe most importantly, the choice was hers.

This piece was adapted from our full interview with Emily Gamache, director and lead teacher at Sol Shine Nature Preschool.